Addicted to the addiction

Some habits don’t even feel good anymore. But we still reach for them. Still repeat them.
Still run to them like they’re home, even when they hurt. This is the truth behind addicted to the addiction, not just being hooked on a substance, a person, a pattern, or a platform… but being hooked on the cycle itself. The chase. The crash. The comfort of the familiar chaos.

It’s not always about what we’re doing. It’s about what we don’t know how to do without it.

Comfort in the cycle:

Addiction isn’t always needles and bottles. Sometimes it’s overthinking. Scrolling.
Overspending. Toxic love. Doom loops of self-sabotage that feel like control. We don’t return because it feels good, we return because it feels known. Because quitting isn’t just about stopping the habit, it’s about losing a part of your identity.

We say: “I want to be free.” But the truth? Sometimes we’re more afraid of freedom than we are of pain.

Craving the Crash:

There’s a strange satisfaction in the spiral. In ruining the good thing before it can leave.
In breaking the silence with drama. In watching it all fall apart and feeling something, anything, through the wreckage.

The addiction becomes the only thing that feels real. You crave the high and the low. You crave the drama and the damage. You tell yourself it’s the last time, again. But you’re not just addicted to the thing. You’re addicted to how the thing makes you feel about yourself.

The identity inside the loop:

Quitting the addiction means confronting the emptiness it covers. The guilt. The boredom.
The loneliness. The need for love, validation, control, whatever it was filling. So we stay.

We rationalize. We rename the cycle as "just a rough patch" or "my coping mechanism" or "something I’ll fix later." But the truth is: later doesn’t come unless we choose it.

Breaking the familiar:

Healing is disorienting. Freedom feels foreign at first. It’s messy, slow, terrifying, and sometimes lonelier than the addiction itself. But it’s also where life begins again.

Where you learn that you were never weak, you were wounded. That you weren’t broken, you were buried. That you didn’t need the addiction, you needed space to feel your pain and not drown in it.

Conclusion:

Being addicted to the addiction is like being stuck in a loop you wrote the script for, but now want out of. It’s realizing that comfort can be deadly. That chaos can be seductive.
That healing is hard, but staying stuck is harder in the long run.
So ask yourself: What do I keep doing even though it no longer serves me?
And who could I become if I let it go?
The first step isn’t quitting the addiction.
It’s questioning the story it tells you about who you are, and writing a new one.

You don’t owe your life to the loop, you owe it to your future.

If this resonated with you, you might love a free short course worksheet, please email me for a list of topics to choose from, thank you.